how are things

Yesterday, a friend asked me "How are things going". I had to stop and think a minute. That is a hard question to answer. How are things going, compared to what?,yesterday? last year? the future? I really didn't know. Most people just ask that question to be nice, and most people answer back. ok or its going, without really thinking about it. When we think about it it may put things in perspective for us. For me, compared to the last couple years of my life, now is great. But compared to 5 years ago, it is not, and compared to the future, we never know. Compared to yesterday, I just woke up, who know's how the day will go. So How do you answer that quetion? When you think about it, life is a series of give and take, balance and trade offs. In one part of my life, things are going great, in another part its ok and in another part, it could be better. So which way do I answer? I think that is part of growing and experiencing life, having a balance and maintaining the status quo in certain areas and hoping to have a greater experience in some areas. Sometimes it seems like as soon as you get one part of your life together, another part needs addressing and so on and so forth. Maintaining a balance should prevent that. But to have balance in our life, we need self discipline. For me, its hard to have self discipline in the winter. ITs gloomy, its hard to get outside sometimes and its hard to drive places. But the trade off would be that I could be doing things, inside things, reading for my job, reading for pleasure, cleaning my house, writing letters, e mailing people, calling people I haven't talked to in a while. It can still be productive but in a different way. I think it is our perception and the way we look at "how's it going" as to the way we answer it. I think as long as we have passion for what we are doing at the time, then it doesn't matter how we answer that question, because it will always be the same. "its going just the way it is suppose to".

serenity

I just finished watching the inaugeration of our new president. Talk about serenity signs wow. It was amazing to see all those people over a million, in the washington d.c. mall, all colors, sizes, religions, peaceful and joinging together to support the new president. It made me swell with pride seeing that. I remember the 1968 riots, with one race against another. It was horrible. I hope that those millons of people, really live this peace that they demonstratd. I hope it wasn't just for show. But I wonder if it was, because it was cold, some people had been there all night. I never thought I would see the day in my life time that an African American would be president, although I did think we would see that before we saw a women. It is still a man's world, black or white. The speech obama gave appeared very sincere and infectious, I hope in this case, it is infectious.
As I watched the old president depart in his helicopter, I couldn't help but think that a chapter is over, hopefullly. The old and negative is leaving, and the young and positive is beginning. It is kinda of exciting to see what the future holds, scary yes, but Obama, to me gives off a very positive, spiritual and peaceful ora. It is history, any way you look at it. Something to tell our grandchildren.(ha ha)

the universe

I just hung up the phone with my friend and I was telling her that I was a little bummed because things weren't going as well as I thought things would and she was telling me that she thought everything was going well. Then she told me about my friends, one who relapsed and died and one who's husband relapsed and is now after her and she now lives in a shelter afraid for her life. I tell you, if that is not the universe responding to me, I don't know what is. How can I feel bad when my friends have it worse than me. You know, I really believe in the universe, this is not the first time it has spoken to me, it is just the first time I heard it. We need to listen to our life, it always gives us answers when we are seeking them. The trouble is people are either to busy or afraid to listen. Sometimes the universe tells us what we want to hear, sometimes what we need to hear and sometimes it tells us what we don't want to hear. We need to slow down and smell the roses. We need to listen more and talk less. This time I listened, I guess cause I have learned the hard way--that is, didn't listen or ignored what it was telling me in the past. So when you do listen and hear, then what. You have to be in a position to do something about it. Are you ready to change. Sometimes life forces you too, and sometimes you need too. People, myself included, sometimes don't handle change well. Its the fear of the unknown, how will things be different, will it be worse or better. I think that any time the universe answers and you listen, it has to be better than where you are. So it got me to think about what I could change and gave me incentive to get moving on something, probably because I feel guilty when I should feel blessed and grateful about my life. I am right where I am suppose to be.

frustrations

I talk to others about remaining positive and having positive self talk. I think it is harder to do it to my self. Today, I call people for my business and have to leave messages. I go on line to chat and no one is there. I feel like the day has not been productive except I am mailing out warm letters ( I am a life coach) to people I don't know hoping I will get a lead. It is really frustrating. I use to work full time and would always return my messages and respond to chats. I wonder about people that don't answer their messages. You wonder if it is you, but then you have to say, they don't even know me, so how can it be. I have to start pulling out my self affirmations and give my self positive talks and remind myself that is takes time to build a business and I just started. I am also an empty nester and my kids don't call as often as I would like them too and that is also frustrating. Frustrating means that people aren't responding as I would like them too and I have to remember that it is not about me but about the people I am contatcting. They are working full time, are busy, I am not. I want things down and to happen like "yesterday" and I need to learn that people don't move that fast. It is easy to know that when you are on the working end of things but when I am the one doing the networking, it gets frustrating. So I play a game on my computer, or read for fun, or play suduko to help my mind stay active. It also helps me think and decide what I need to do to fix the situation. Am I doing all I can do to get the results I want. The answer is usually no. I am resisting and I know it so how can I expect others who are not resisting but working to fix the situation.
We need to remember that in todays world. To be self reliant and independent, we need to be part of the solution, take our own inventory and then proceed accordingly. This new life (of working part time) takes getting use to. I went from working 3 jobs and not being home to none and then working part time and being home when my kids are now gone. Go Figure. Life works in crazy ways. Susan

self confidnece

I just got done talking to my daughter on the phone. She is away at college. I miss her so much. When she was living at home, I thought we had a close bond. I'll never forget the day we took her to college and all the way home, I felt bad. When we walked into the house, it was so quite and empty (except for our 2 dogs), there was no radio blaring, no one talking on the cell phone and no shower running. I sat on her bed and cried. I called her to see how she was and she had met some kids in the room next door already. I thought, I am the one going through "withdrawl". She is just having fun. The calls were often at first, and then they faded. I started thinking maybe we weren't that close at all. Then I thought, this is what it is suppose to be like, you guided her all through her 18 years and now she is suppose to experience life using the tools that I gave her, and hopefully she uses the right tools for the right problems. I guess she has good self confidence and is able to navigate through, so I guess we did a good job. Now she is in her senior year at college and I appreciate her now more as a kind of friend than a mother. She gives me praise and builds my self confidence since I started a new business. I tell you the best way to build self confidence is to be an empty nester. See I worked 2-3 jobs all my life and got laid off my last one, and decided that since I have the opportunity to, I don't want to work so many jobs. You definately have to find something to do, or you will go crazy. Talk about building self esteem. Going from a mom, I also have a son who is married and beginning his new life, 3 jobs, and keeping up with a house, two dogs and a husband, to just the dogs the house and the husband, is quite a change. It builds character, you really find out if you let your job define who you are or not. It's kind of nice learning about my self my likes and dislikes. I am learning I am creative, organized, and enjoying life more not that I can breathe. I don't think I ever want to work full time again, although I know that life happens and sometimes you can't do what you want. I actually like having every day be different, and becoming more creative and learning about a lot of things. My self confidence has improved, although as a life coach, I have had to stretch my self to do things I need to do to build my business, but don't necessarily want to . I guess you can say that my children are now helping me to grow, giving me tools and guiding me in life. Susan

did you ever

I had a hard time thinking about what to write about today. Did you evernotice when something bad happens or something emotional, we have a lot to say, at least I do, but when everything is status quo, it is harder to come up with something. I wonder why this is.? I, like I know others, have a hard time enjoying good things happening. We have that sudden attack that in a minute it will be gone, or something bad will follow which will take our mind off enjoying the good things. Well, one of my resolutions for this year, is to embrace the good things, enjoy them, because you never know when they will be taken away. It involves not changing what happens to you but changing how you look or think about them. I can either be fearful of the negative or embrace it. Its how we choose. In my CBT classess that I teach, this is what I share with my studentss,( I should practice what I preach) change your thinking and your behavior and feelings will change with it and thus, your perspective on things. It has taken me a long time to be able to do this. I was always worried about "The next thing" what whould it be, I was scared of it. But I learned two things, have faith,and be grateful, and that I could handle what ever it is, so why be afraid of it. I never thought like that before, but I noticed when I was grateful for what I had, and did, and experienced that, then it was easier to handle the negative things that popped up. Also, I learned that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. Half the time, the fears I expereinced weren't really as bad once I did it. I have been afraid to fly all my life. A couple years ago after my brother passed, I wanted to see my other brother so bad, and my daughter had a soccer tournament in California and I didn't want to be left behind, I finally said, What the heck, and flew on the plane anyway. You know what, it really wasn't that bad, I got some reading done and some magazines read. I don't love it, but on the way home, I started to relax a little more. I remember that as I am writing about fears and gratitude. I am grateful for that experience now, but at the time I was mad that I had to do it in order to get what I wanted. So the lessons learned as we experience this journey of life, is to stay in the present so you can enjoy what happens to you, be grateful for people and things in your life, and change your thinking about how you see things. I know my life seems a little better for it and I can only hope it gets better. Susan

serenity

I just heard about a nother friend who's child died. When I first heard this it shouk me alittle. It brings up your own mortatlity for a minute. I also was mad at the Universe because that is not suppose to be the order of things. Parents should never have to bury their children. What is the lesson here? I think it intensifys the importance of being great to everyone every day. It shows we are not given tomorrow. We need to live everyday like it is our last, because it might be. That means we need to be positive, and kind and empathetic and love ourselves as well as others. We need to tell our loved ones we love them every day, we need to treat others with dignity, amd respect. It actually takes more energy to be bad then it does to be nice. Why do so many people work so hard at being mean to others. Put more energy into being kind and loving. I don't mean to sound like Pollyanana but these things need to be said and heard more often. The next time you want to argue with someone, think about these things before you speak. What ever you say or do may be that persons last vision of you. Try to make it a happy and loving one. Susan

gratitude

By now everyone has heard about Johnm Travoltas son dieing at age 16. I can't even imagine what it is like to lose a child. I have lost a sibling, but my mother said it is not the same. When I hear things like this, I am so grateful that I have my kids and that we have a good relationship. Too many parents treat their kids like crap, and it is so bad. Thats the reason a lot of the kids are bad adults. I'm not saying that all parents do this, but I have been in the field for 30 years and I have seen hundreds of parents who would send them to me to fix when the problem is not with the kid. We are not given tomorrow, and this is a good example. We need to love our kids and treat them like humans every day, cause you don't know when you won't be able to anymore. I think the hardest part of losing a child is having to keep going for the other kids and also help them grieve when you can't even grieve. I don;t mean to make this so morbid, but I had to write so I would feel better. Once again here is a serene sign, that we need to live in peace with each other and hug our kids every night. Susan

signs of serenity

signs of serenity

This is my first blog. I didn't even know what one was until few weeks ago. To me it is a journal where I can write my thoughts outloud. Maybe you might have some of the same or maybe not. I chose the title Signs of Serenity because that is what I hope this year will be about for me. My last couple years have not been serene" (peaceful) to say the least. Like many of us, I have been through trials and tribulations, from losing a job, family emergencies, empty nest issues and processing my own thoughts and feelings about life.

Iwant to teach others, through coaching or teaching (both the same) things I wished others would have taught or shown me. I know sometimes we are all bull headed and want to try things our selves. But why, it would be so nice if people just listened to others and gained wisdom that way. But I guess then it wouldn't have as much meaning now would it. Serenity to me means, peace, contentment, not just on the outside but on the inside as well. Even though the inside does't show as much, this is where often the most chaos and pain takes place. So many people want to skip the inside and try and change the outside. But I leaned long a go that it just doesn't work or is an "instant" fix and one that is temporary. To quote Susan Jeffers, in her book, FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY. Some of us need a little kick in the behind to do this. I say when your reality sucks real bad or is too painful, we will embrace the fear and make changes anyway. Isn't that crazy. Why can't we make things simple and peaceful and embrace every experience good or bad, process it and move on. That is the only way to find peace. On some level, we must trust our souls and selfs and do it anyway.