Women who give to much

My friend and I were talking and she was telling me how she feels all worn out and that she isn't appreciated. After our discussion I did some research and learned that there are a lot of women out there who feel the same way. I couldn't really find a place for women to go that felt like they needed support, TLC and that they were not alone. I now have started WOMEN WHO GIVE TO MUCH groups and they are absolutely FREE to participate. The groups are small 4-6, and meet on all different days and times. It is a place where women can chat and express their feelings, and exchange numbers so they can contact each other if they want to between groups. We are a support for each other, thats all, but alot of times if we feel supported and heard, we can get through the rest of the day. Teh group only meets for 1 1/2 hours so as not to take up too much of our time. Women of all different races, ages and single, or married can attend. Leave the kids at home---- this is ME time and no kids, men or family members aloud. As women we give and give to others and forget about our selves, or we are last on our list and just never get to it because other things come up. As women we need to "put our selves on the list" we are just as important as the other folks we give too. I want us to decide who will be on OUR list, we make the choice, but we are always at the top. Many of you might think this is selfish, however, we have to be able to take care of ourselves first for a number of reasons: 1. IF we choose to take care of others, we need to be healthy both emotionally and physically to be able to do that, 2. If we choose not to take care of others at a certain time, we have to be ok with that and not feel guilty about saying yes to ourselves and 3. we only go around once in this life and we need to be able to enjoy ourselves and our life also.
So come and join us. Contact me at 734-678-1168 to find the right day and time for you to feel supported, and for ME time. Susan

self inventory

I was doing a group for female recovering substance abusers and the topic was STep 4, Doing a Fearless Moral Inventory. For those of you not familiar, it is part of the 12 step program of AA/NA. As we were working on the step, I thought that this could easily apply to anyone, anywhere. IT is the heart and soul of recovery, if you don't do it, you will probably relapse, its that simple. If we apply it to the rest of the population, it could keep us happy, safe and out of trouble. It has to do with staying out of other peoples business, not worrying about what other people think of you or about you. It has to do with honestly looking at our selves from an objective view and assess our strengths and weaknesses. CHanging those things which are negative such as resentmens, anger, fears, dishonesty, jealousy, critizing others, and self pity. Do you know it takes more energy to have these characteristics and work like hell not to deal with them or make a change. It would be so much easier if people would do the necessary work to change these "character defects", as they say in the program. But because of these very defects, people do not make changes. People don't want to really look at them selves, they don't want to appear weak and they certainly don't want to acknowledge that these are the reasons they are negative and not happy people. Don't get me wrong, all of us have these characteristics at one time or another, it is hard not to, but if you begin to see a pattern forming thats when there could be a problem. I notice that people are only willing to become aware of there issues when they are forced to, such as going to jail, being on probation, having kids taken away. I didn't say they are willing to change, just that sometimes life forces you to notice things that you don't want to notice. In the program, addicts pick a sponsor who guides them through the 12 steps of the program. A sponsor is someone who you can trust, and is willing to be objective and not tell you just what you want to hear. I think more of us should find a "sponsor" and do the "step 4" work that is necessary to have a happy, productive and peaceful life. Susan

Don't let work define you

So many of us become workaholics, we either work one job more than 8 hours, 6-7 days a week, or we work 2-3 jobs during the week. I myself was working 3 jobs, (at the same company) but would begin work at 8:00 am and not leave work till 9:30-10:00 pm. By the time I got home, my daughter was busy, husband in bed and the house a mess. I did this for almost 7-9 years. Well I suddenly lost my job, I had been working for almost 30 years of my life. My daughter was in college, my son was living somewhere else and my husband was traveling and away alot. I got up one day and said, where is eveyone, what am I suppose to do. I was totally depressd for a long time. I would be sad, one minute, angry the next and sleep alot. I wouldn't know what to do with my self. Everything I was and did was related to my work. I didn't really know anything else. I had never been in this position before. I also was going through menopause and had those syptoms to deal with. I felt alone and realized there was no one to talk to on a daily basis like I was use too, unless I left the house or called people, but most of them were working or out with their kids. Then my son decided to get married and I was asked to be involved in the showers, wedding issues and such and asked for my opinon on things. I had never been asked these things before and I was also asked to be creative in making favors and such and host a rehearsal dinner. I was scared. I wanted everything to be nice for my son, but I had never done these things before. I had to actually write things down and think about what would be nice and what they wanted and then decide where and how to get them and afford them. It actually turned out to be fun and the rehearsal dinner and showers turned out great. I was pretty proud of myself because all I really Knew was work. After the wedding, I decided that maybe there are other things I am good at, or that I like to do.
The point of the above is that alot of us let work or our careers define who we are and then when we lose a job or career, we don't know who we are. Our self esteem was built around work, alot of us are different people at work then we are at home. WHile I was comming out of my depression, I bought some self help books and began to read about how to improve my self esteem. I thought, I could help my clients discover who they were, why can't I do it for my self. A great friend suggested using my work skills, combine with the new interests and skills I was learning and start a new career. THat was all I needed, someone to validate me. So with the help of my husband and mother, I did some research and discovered the career of being a life coach. I could do it at home, on the phone, with little start up money and could get self trained. I found an office space I could rent cheap, fixed it up, got business cards and letterhead and began my company.
Since then, alot of my friends have lost their jobs. I would share with them the importance of not letting work define who they are, and trying not to get depressed.
I have grown alot since I lost my job. I feel I have a better relationship with my children, my husband and mostly with my self. I'm realizing that there are things I like that I never knew, that I am more self reliant than I ever thought, and that I can do what ever I want if I really want to do it. Believe me, it takes a lot of patience, and work to achieve some things, especially to learn about myself, some things I learned I did't like, but I used that to help me grow my business and began to have more positive thoughts about life in general. If I had let work define me I think my life would be so different and boring right now. So next time someone asks you to try something new that is not work related, do it. You just might learn something about yourself that you didn't know. Susan